Bears
Gorging on food and sleeping for months is the best way to spend winter. This also saves you the trouble of dealing with emails about Black Friday deals, boring office Christmas parties, and seasonal depression
Tigers
Always attack people from the back. It’s a strategy that’s guaranteed to work all the time. Except if the person you’re attacking is Professor Quirrell.
Bonobos
Have tons of consensual sex. The key word there is consensual.
Whales
It doesn’t matter if you’re off-key, sing loud and proud.
Elephants
When you’re old, never forget anything. When you’re young, make sure you’re cute enough that everything you do can be made into a viral GIF.
Spiders
Only eat food that you made at home. Or caught at home.
Wild Dogs
Working in a group is always the best strategy. Unless most of your group members are a bunch of lazy, moronic half-wits and you’re just better off doing the work yourself.
Lemmings
Kill yourself so that a multi-billion dollar conglomerate can make more money. Well, maybe this life lesson only applies to millennials.
Tardigrades
You can survive anything
Giant Pandas
China owns everything so you might as well learn Mandarin.
Leopards
Never change your spots. Most importantly, the spot where you drink, the spot where you eat and the spot where you buy crack. Unless the crack spot shuts down due to a gang war.
Ducks
Nothing. Zilch. Zero. Seriously, do not learn anything from a bird that relies on gang rape as its primary mode of procreation. You might as well be taking lessons from a bunch of Haryanvi Jaats.
