The Wright Brothers would have never guessed this about their invention. That it would be used to ferry bored people to places where they could be bored with a tan. Travel is like LSD. It expands the mind, makes you see unbelievable things and a Swiss guy invented it. Today, millions partake in this creation of Pierre LaTravel. They are always looking for the next adventure, the next exotic location, the next natural Eden to turn into a trash heap. Here are some rare places to visit at least once in your lifetime and the beautiful sights you’ll see there.
Los Angeles
Ever read a Victorian-era novel and become overcome with glee at the huge class divide? Ever wish you could experience that joie de vivre in the 21st century? Look no further than this undiscovered gem in southern California. This city, where millionaires and millions of homeless, live together is a must-see for anyone. Marvel at the beautiful 80-room palaces of Beverly Hills. Take a walk down Venice Beach to see crystal meth addicts descend into madness. Spend an hour at the Hollywood Walk of Fame, gawking at the names of famous singers. Snap a selfie with the guy puking on and masturbating over Jerry Lewis’s star at the same time. If you still believe in the American Dream, visit Los Angeles today and wake up.
Agra
Sojourn through the hidden alleys and streets of this Indian city to visit this little-known tomb. Buried under it is one of the 2000 wives of a mass murderer. Witness this testimony of the love of a Mughal Emperor for his favorite wife. She who died after and due to 19 pregnancies. A person fucked till she was dead. This pristine white marble monument built by thousands of slaves is now faintly tinged with a urine-like yellow. Nearby the Taj, you can take in the fragrant aroma of the landfills of the river Yamuna. Get fleeced by touts and have a cup of weak tea as you exclaim ‘Wah Taj’.
Times Square
This Tribute to Consumerism is a must-have item on your bucket list. Be sure to keep it the last as you’ll want to kill yourself after visiting it. Gape at the flashing billboards consuming enough power to light up 161000 US households. The majesty of this New York site will make you weep with joy. The prices at the restaurants nearby will make you weep even more. Pro tip for you physicists who want to understand the packing of atoms in a solid. Come down on New Year’s Eve to experience it firsthand.
The Mona Lisa at the Louvre
Okay, it may not be a travel destination but hey, we’re making up the rules as we go. You may not have heard of this painting made by some Italian guy but trust us, it’s the Kim Kardashian of paintings. Visit today to take a picture of this extraordinary work of art that has a paltry 188,000,000 Google results. Stand in awe of the hundreds of tourists like you doing the exact same thing. After all, if everyone is doing it, it must be good right? You know, like smoking.
Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, London
Madame Tussaud was a sculptor and frequent toilet user who made wax figurines of famous people. She is rightly considered a genius, along with visionaries like Bernie Madoff, Frank Abagnale Jr, and John Pemberton. On Baker Street in London stands a gallery of her work. Here, you can go and take pictures with statues of people who have way more money than you. Come here to pose with the look-alikes of presidents, actresses, inventors, and businessmen. You know, people who achieved something in their lives because they weren’t busy kissing the waxy cheeks of an imitation Johnny Depp.
