Subscription boxes or as Rembrandt would call them, A Study of Wastage in Cardboard (Part II), are the rage these days. They have allowed us to celebrate Christmas every month. These services deliver useless trinkets that we couldn’t live without. They save us from life-threatening inconveniences like buying socks or going grocery shopping. They are making the world a magical albeit trash-filled place. You know, like Disneyland
Unlike Bitcoin, subscription boxes haven’t reached their peak. There are new services launching every day. Try out some new ones like
Leaflety
You know the feeling. You start to read a book and after a few minutes, you can’t continue anymore. Your brain hurts looking at the sheer volume of pages. Well, fear not because Leaflety has got your front. This service will send you one page of a book every month to condense your reading into bite-sized pieces. If one page is too much for you, they also have half-page, quarter-page, and word-per-month plans. Now, you can enjoy reading and never have to worry about concentrating ever again.
Featheroo
Ever looked at a peacock’s magnificent plumage and thought, “I should have something that beautiful sticking out of my buttocks too”. With Featheroo’s new subscription service, your dreams can become reality. For $15.99 a month, you can get a glorious butt-plug made from the feathers of exotic birds. The feathers are organic, vegan, gluten-free and extracted in the most humane manner. Featheroo captures birds in the Amazon using the softest nylon nets. Then, they’re lulled into sleep through a cocktail of kombucha, acai berries and heroin. Once they’ve had 12 hours of sleep, they’re suffocated to death using a soft, 900-fiber count pillow. After which, Greek grandmothers tweeze the bird’s feathers to create the most wonderful feathery buttplug your anus can handle. Order today and use the promo code ‘BIZZURE’ to get 50% off your first order.
RollyGator
Many times, taking a short walk to the grocery store for a quart of milk is too inconvenient and too expensive. Distances of a few hundred meters have become almost unbearable. This new startup founded by childhood friends and convicted pickleballers is the solution for you. It aims to solve the problem of walking by delivering to your door a brand new pretentious transportation device every month. Will it be a skateboard this month? Or a unicycle? Maybe, it’ll be a Nepali sherpa who’ll carry you from place to place on his back. The possibilities are endless and you never know what to expect. Subscribe to RollyGator today because as their motto says ‘Walking is for Weiners’.
Caninoker
Do you know how stressed your dog gets by living in a comfortable house with ample food and water? A lot, that’s the answer. Your doggy friend, your buddy, your soulmate, deserves to blow off some steam too. For just 35.99 a month, this service will send you a box of kooky clowns for your four-legged friend’s entertainment. The clowns will dance, make balloon animals and even offer therapy for your pet. For an even more exclusive option, upgrade to their Premium Scottish package where the clowns will draw Glasgow Smiles on your furry pal too.
Boxu
Okay, you’ve signed up for a ton of subscription services. But your apartment is too small to keep your action figures, beard gel, jerky packets, shrunken heads, apple chips, steroid injections, and coffee grounds. Should you move? Or look for additional storage ? NO. For 18 dollars a month, try Boxu — the subscription service that sends you a box with another box inside it. Upgrade to Boxu Gold for 2 boxes inside the box or Boxu Platinum for a 5 box-in-box experience. We know how hard it is to throw away your toys and knick-knacks and now you don’t have to. Boxu — Think Inside the Box
